It took me forty something years to realise I had the word ‘nice’ in my name … and that word provided the hardest and best lesson in my life. At school I can’t remember playing the game to check what words could be made from my name; otherwise I might have realised earlier.

Being nice to everyone has had a detrimental affect on my life because unknowingly it was at my own expense. Over the years, searching for a reason for my unhappiness, ‘being nice’ provided the clue. I needed to learn to be nice to myself first and everyone else second. I hadn’t been doing that!

It’s like the new movie, 27 Dresses. The bridesmaid had looked after everyone else instead of creating her own life.

It was being bullied at high school that turned me into a ‘peacemaker’ for over 18 years until I took back control of my life. In some ways society bred that peace-at-any-price mentality when I was a teenager. The ‘see but don’t speak’ syndrome, the ‘don’t skite, it’s bad manners’ and ‘doing things to keep other people happy’ mentality. Society had people thinking it was selfish to look after themselves first.

Consequently, as a peacemaker, I didn’t form opinions, have answers to questions, or think deeply about life’s challenges. In hindsight, I didn’t value myself but then didn’t really know I had to. Like thousands of New Zealanders and millions of people worldwide, I was lacking in self-esteem.

If this sounds a bit like you ... keeping everyone happy, it’s time to start being NICE to yourself and grow your own esteem level.

Your self-esteem starts forming at birth, so every situation can have consequences on how you think about yourself. A school teacher, grandparent, family member, boss, colleague, friend or stranger, can make one comment that may lodge in your thinking and either have a detrimental or beneficial effect on your self-esteem.

Each of us have different lessons to learn and are all at different places and stages of growth.

Here is an exercise to help build self-esteem.

1.    Write down three things you like about yourself physically, for example ‘nose, toes’.

2.    Write down three tasks you do well, for example ‘gardening, netball’.

3.    Write down three positive attributes you have, for example ‘enthusiastic, friendly’. 

Keep adding one thing to each list every day. We can be our most severe critics and often do not see our own talents. Once you have exhausted your own ideas, ask your family and friends.

To continue growing your self-esteem requires you to constantly be ‘developing’ yourself, trying new activities and learning. A major goal in life should be to create yourself … the only person stopping that is you. So take charge and take time to be NICE to yourself.

Copyright © Janice Davies 2008

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