Have you been looking for love in all the wrong places…?

It’s 8 o'clock on Friday night: are you really going for a fab night out with the girls? ‘Fess up! Are you like me, where the lippie and extra high heels are not about making you look hot for you girlfriends; you’re really hoping that extra coat of strawberry luscious lipgloss will lure ‘Mr Catch’ onto your line so you can reel him in.

Now I’ve been fishing a couple of times (the wet, scaley, gill variety)―and I got lucky both times. The skipper takes you to where he knows there will be fish, and the GPS helps isolate where they are. You also make sure your bait or your lure is the best for the conditions and most attractive for the fish you want to catch.

Sounds like any Friday night at the Viaduct doesn’t it?

But if it is that easy, why does the ‘catch’ still elude us?

Let me make a couple of observations….

We fish in the wrong pools. Think about the fish you want to ‘catch’ and where you are casting your bait. I seem to recall (very unscientifically) that at least 80 per cent of couples meet through friends and/or colleagues. It’s not rocket science why. Firstly, the common link between you instantly sparks trust. “If you’re a friend of Jane, then you must be nice because Jane is nice and I can trust you more than a complete stranger”. Sounds simple and usually is. Secondly, like attracts like―nice people who like cooking and long walks on the beach often hang out with other nice people who like cooking and long walks on the beach; and taxidermists who enjoy Morris dancing often hang out with other taxidermists who enjoy Morris dancing. You get my drift. So, don’t hang at skanky bars and pretend to like windsurfing if you secretly hate bars and have a water phobia. Hang with people you truly enjoy being with and Mr Catch will probably end up in that mix at some point.

Bars are fun with the girls, and everyone knows someone who knows someone who had a friend who met someone at a bar and they’re now happily married, blah blah … but to be honest, most bars are just sharks tanks where the men (and sometimes women) are in it for just one thing: to feed their egos and service their sexual greed. If you go in too deep, you’re just fish food. 

So, instead of swimming with sharks, look for good quality fish in safe waters. What interests do you have? Sports, recreational, arts, theatre, community, social action? Get involved and voila! you kill two fish with one stone (so to speak). You get to enjoy life doing the things you love to do and you also get to meet and hang out with the people you love to hang out with, share the same values―increasing the probability of meeting someone you may actually want to ‘catch’.

Secondly, is your bait the right bait for the fish? I know I commented in an earlier article that it’s not what’s on the outside but the inside that is attractive and that’s the light that shines brighter. I stand by that 100%, but there is a flip side. A very old wise man once said, “If the barn needs painting, paint it”. And in this case, if you look like ‘hot bait’ then you have a better chance of catching the attention of ‘Mr Catch’.

All too often, we don’t realise the impact of the First Impression or in how we come across. You may think you look hot but if your friends were to be brutally honest with you, do those skinny jeans actually do you justice? Is that haircut really flattering you? Sometimes the truth is hard to hear, but sometimes you need to hear it. Ask a friend you love and whose style you admire to give you the grunty real truth about your physical appearance, then see what you can do to address it. 

Yes, your personal style says a bit about who you are, but think about it: when there are 100 lines with bait down there, the fish go for the most attractive tackle first. Somehow you need to balance your personal quirkiness with practicality. I also think we owe it to ourselves to always be looking our best. Not just for the ‘Catch’, but so we can walk and stand tall and proud and love being ‘great’.

Now, to not undo what I have said before, beauty isn’t just looks; that’s the initial ‘wow’ which draws the fish in for a nibble, and we owe it to ourselves to be the best bait we can. The rest is about whether the potential ‘Catch’ wants to take that nibble that’s going to actually get him on the hook. So, as he’s swimming around checking you out, what are your heart, soul and spirit like? Do you radiate true beauty or just too much lipstick? If you speak, act and think ‘beautifully’, then not only do you increase your chance of hooking a catch, you will draw people to you as an attractive person, not just future wife of Mr Catch.

So girl, work out your whole person, not just for the catch, but for YOU! How do you do that? Add more sparkle to your bait. Be the person you want to be! Learn, develop, grow, love….

Lastly, you’ve got to be in to win it. Sitting at home watching telly, reading that book fantasising about ‘Mr Catch’ isn’t going to make him materialise any quicker. After all, fishing … is a sport and if you don’t get a ‘catch’ on the first throw, you persevere, because the big one is out there somewhere and it’s just a matter of time.

So go fish! Enjoy.